"Confustication"

Is it wrong to feel conflicted over good news?
Is it wrong to feel sad when someone else is happy?
Is it wrong to feel despair on some's happy day?

Sometimes it feels like the world is moving along
but I am standing still
Lost in a perpetual rut
Alone with no one to be there for me

I want to feel happy
I want to be overjoyed
I want to be ecstatic about your news
And for a bit I do
But then. I don't

Sometimes it feels like I am perpetually alone
Sometimes it feels like I have nothing to live for
Sometimes it feels like I get to watch everyone
around me be happy while I have nothing

It is strange to be sad when you are happy
It is strange to be depressed when you are well
It is strange to be conflicted when I should be happy for you

Joy seems like something so distant
Happiness seems to be like butter in a hot pan
Companionship seems like something for others
but not for me

But I must soldier on and present the face of happiness to the world
I cannot let my true feelings ruin your wonderful day
I must hide my conflict behind a mask so that you don't see it
I must watch everyone move along but me

I don't know what to do
I don't know what to say
I wish I didn't feel this way
But I do

So I wish you well
But I wish I felt well too